My Laptop is a Parasite.

Let me start off by saying, my computer is the soul-sucking spawn of Satan.

For that reason, I hope she dies a painful death, preferably boiling in a vat of holy water after having had each of her keys gouged out. We have a very volatile relationship. Codependent, verbally abusive, and just f%#ing nonsensical at times.

But I spend 99.999% of my time with her because I thought eventually we’d develop a healthy, loving, symbiotic relationship. This has yet to happen. You ever heard of the tongue-eating parasite? That’s us. And I do not have the cushy end of that deal.

I run antivirus checks. I keep her charged. I never open more than three programs at a time. I even stop what I’m doing when she tells me I have to run updates. But instead of doing the polite thing and gnawing away at my appendages, she’s slowly devouring my sanity. Piece by piece.

So… In an attempt to recover some semblance of balance, I am learning how to code. Sort of. Really, I’m trying to wrangle my machine into submission. I’ll be posting my progress for others out there who are similarly tethered to an HP from Hell.

The Terminally Confused